Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Getting Political - State of the Union Address 2008

Yes. Yes. Indeed I cannot refrain any longer, I must in fact "get political".

On Monday afternoon, whitehouse.gov, our one-stop shopping site for neutral-colored residences, posted this important update on the proceedings:
“President Bush will deliver his State of the Union address on January 28, 2008. Whatever the form, content, delivery method or broadcast medium, the President’s annual address is a backdrop for national unity.”

My guesses — and please bear in mind that I am neither pundit nor a smart person — were (my assumptions previous to the speech were as follows):

Form: Macaroni collage
Content: In-depth analysis of monumentally important human-animal hybrid controversy
Delivery Method: Ice Cream Truck
Broadcast Medium: Tin cans, string

So the speech wasn't so bad. Delivery was decent, his skills have in fact, yep I'm saying it, improved! I think he's trying to leave us on perhaps a "good note" with the impression that he is trying to make positive changes in our economy, national security, global war on terror, education system (No Child Left Behind), health care, immigration, etc., but I fear it's too late for his "attempts to change for the better" to win over American's hearts and minds. No coasting into finish for Dubya. But here is a summary of his speech:

Form: Speech
Content: Economic stuff, Incentive stuff, Legacy stuff
Delivery Method: Mouth
Broadcast Medium: TV

Truly, the address was a firm, sure-footed and resounding proclamation that even our 43rd president himself was surprised he had to do another of these things.

9:06: The President arrives, fashionably late, and fashionably attired in a blue tie the exact shade of America’s current malaise. After much hand-shaking, he takes his place at the rostrum, in front of Dick Cheney, a human-zombie hybrid, and Nancy Pelosi, a human-woman hybrid.

9:07: Bush gets down to business right away, talking about the economy, his stimulus plan, etc. Obviously, he’s saving human-animal hybrids for later in the speech.

9:12: Tax relief. No mention of how human-animal hybrids could affect it.

9:22: Human-alcohol hybrid Ted Kennedy checks his program, trying to figure out who the guy in the blue tie behind the podium is, and if there’s an intermission.

9:29: “I call on Congress to ban unethical practices such as…” This is it! “…the buying, selling, patenting, or cloning of human life.” Human-animal hybrids, here we —
Um. Hello? He’s just moved on to “matters of justice.” Matters of justice!? How about the injustice of not discussing human-animal hybrids?!

9:30: Okay, now I'm ticked.

9:33: America is responding to immigration by “deploying fences.” If we had human-animal hybrids, we could line them up along the Mexican border. They would be dangerous, yet understanding. Does nobody see this?

9:40: Iraq.

9:53: Iran.

9:55: Wiretapping.

10:00: Wow. He’s really not even going to mention them.

10:01: “…And the state of our union will remain strong.” “God bless America.”

Yes, we’re a little shocked right now.

But in a way, I'm almost glad President Bush didn’t discuss human-animal hybrids in this year’s State of the Union. Perhaps he understood that, with only one year left, they’re simply too big for him to take on. (Some are, quite literally. Especially if the human is tall to begin with, and then the animal it’s fused with is like a rhino or a blue whale.)
We look forward to next year, when the State of the Union is delivered by someone else. Someone more attuned to the plight of the human-animal. Maybe a centaur.
Thank you Topical Satire Initiative.

Okay now go watch his speech if you missed it at: http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2008/01/20080128-13.wm.v.html
and read these numbers:
The Real State of the Union 2008 By the Numbers

Number of Americans living in poverty in 2001: 31.6 million
Number of Americans living in poverty in 2008: 36.5 million

Percentage increase in home foreclosures, November 2006-December 2007: 68%

Yearly average number of new private sector jobs created from 1992-2000: 1.76 million
Yearly average number of new private sector jobs created from 2001-2008: 369,000
Average price of a gallon of gasoline on January 3, 2000: $1.59
Average price of a gallon of gasoline on January 7, 2008: $3.14

Forget Cloverfield, where were our warnings before this one? ;)

It was my pleasure.


Anonymous said...

Number of Americans living in poverty in 2001: 31.6 million

Number of Americans living in poverty in 2008: 36.5 million

How much of this can you really attribute to Bush and how much is the long standing effect that the tax hikes and over spending from the Clinton administration? How much is also part of the terrible decisions to get loans for more than the value of a car or home? In the US you only end up in poverty if you are stupid or lazy.

Percentage increase in home foreclosures, November 2006-December 2007: 68%

How about the fact that Greenspan is the primary contributor to the sub-prime mortgage crisis. So if you want to blame the forclosure rate on Bush you better hit up Clinton since Greenspan was in charge of the Federal Reserve for Clinton's 8 years.

Yearly average number of new private sector jobs created from 1992-2000: 1.76 million

Yearly average number of new private sector jobs created from 2001-2008: 369,000

NAFTA-1994. Thanks Bill for making it cheaper for companies to go to mexico and canada! It has really helped the value of the Canadian dollar vs the American Dollar.

Average price of a gallon of gasoline on January 3, 2000: $1.59

Average price of a gallon of gasoline on January 7, 2008: $3.14

OPEC controls the cost of oil not Bush.
No new Oil refineries in over 30 years. Thanks to your local tree hugging democrat. Would you expect a 30 year old computer to produce at the same level as a 5 year old computer?

Sometimes it hurts to always be right, not today though.

Kailani said...

Okay okay Jonathan:

Clinton invades Kosovo, zero US combat losses.
Bush invades Iraq, 1,075 US service members dead and rising.

Clinton invades Kosovo and captures Milosevic.
Bush invades Afghanistan and lets Osama get away.

Clinton invades Kosovo, our troops have food and armor.
Bush invades Iraq, our troops are buying body armor on eBay and begging Iraqi civilians for food.

Clinton invades Kosovo, civilians greet us with flowers.
Bush invades Iraq, civilians cut off our heads.

WTC attacked when Clinton is president, only 6 people die.
WTC attacked when Bush is president, nearly 3,000 people die.

Clinton lied about having an affair.
Bush lied about reasons to go to war.

Clinton creates a record budget surplus in 8 years.
Bush creates a record budget deficit in 4 years.

A big Clinton scandal: Firing some travel office employees.
A big Bush scandal: Abu Ghraib

Clinton held 42 solo news conferences.
Bush held 15 solo news conferences.

Number of new words invented by Clinton: Zero.
Number of new words created by Bush: A lot more than zero.

Clinton created the largest economic expansion in over 40 years.
Bush created the largest job loss since Herbert Hoover.

Clinton admitted trying pot.
Bush won't discuss his alleged cocaine use.

Clinton's wife never killed anybody.
Bush's did (while in high school).

Moreover, in polls conducted by CNN, 59 percent said Bush has done more to divide the country, while only 27 percent said Clinton had.


Anonymous said...

You can't Quote CNN as a source on Bush. They have been against Bush from the start.

You want to talk about letting Osama go? Then look no further than your boy Bill who let Osama get away as well.

How about starting a war for no reason? Clinton bombed Iraq right when his impeachment hearing happened. Only they didn't call it a war.

No reason to go to war? How about we put Saddam in power, we gave him weapons and we created the mess that was there. Look up Iran-Iraq war in 1979 and learn a bit on what was going on.

One attack on WTC involved a bomb in a car in the garage. They thought it would bring it down but it didnt. The guy who planned the 2001 attack was let free by clinton durring an arrest of the bombing suspects from the Bojinka Plot.

Also remember that there is a lag in what a president does. Clintons policy had is reach about 4 years into the Bush administration. The economy is taking a shit because of Clinton and it will recover in the next 4 years because of Bush.

Next time you want to talk politics try reading something other than CNN, maybe even come up with a few ideas on your own. Don't read 1 article from CNN and then pretend that you are an expert. If you haven't read at least 3 sources 1 pro, 1con and 1 neutral then you really should not comment on anything political.

I guess socrates was right Democracy really is the rule of the ignorant.

Anonymous said...

I hope you don't take any of that to heart.

We disagree politically but I still love ya.

Unless you vote for hillary!

Kailani said...

Oh I'm voting for Hillary. Better yet I donated to her campaign! =)
CNN isn't my only source of information, the first set of numbers were taken from ourfuture.org and the second from www.ppionline.org a nonprofit corporation organized under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. Only one fact was taken from CNN.com. Where are you getting your facts? Fox, I assume? ;)
Vote Hillary in 2008! =)

Anonymous said...

I am getting my facts from declassified documents from the Regan, Bush1, and Clinton administrations.

Primary sources are the best kind.

Kailani said...

"All I can say is that I personally promote peace, unity, compassion and a non-dualistic view of life.

I don't hate him. But I deeply fear the amount of power he holds in his hands. I do not have faith in his intellect or wisdom -- with either the planet or the people. And I feel immense compassion for a person who must be in such terrible inner turmoil to project such pain upon the entire world.

But mostly, I just desire a President who respects the advice and learned wisdom of all the other world leaders; who promotes peace instead of war; who has compassion instead of pointing fingers; and who understands that the "evil" we see outside of ourselves is only a projection of that which is already within us."

Treninsha said...

Kailani, You called on me as your back-up plan, but you seem to be doing an excellent job. You do not need me. Love you

Treninsha said...

oh, by the way, I am a MSNBC watcher myself....

Kailani said...

"What up girrrl!?" haha Thanks a load Tren for coming to back me up, I love you bunches! =)
I'll see you at work on Thursday buddy.
Love love love,

Anonymous said...


Kailani said...