I've finally rejected the preposterous notion of "perfect" and replaced it with "unique" in respect to my life.

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get
discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your
faith in yourself.

....and my life starts now.

I pause now (but only for a moment, as I'm currently very busy ;-) ) to
reflect on the past few months and the distance I've felt I've come.

I've come from being the most negative, procrastinating, unfaithful human being to becoming a very positive, driven, motivated, faithful, (somewhat more than before) responsible, "going to live my dreams" god-loving person. I feel an energy that has taken over every bit of me, I have a fire that was before only a flicker. I still have the same dreams as before but now I'm working towards achieving them! I'm doing great in school and enjoying it more than ever before (yes! even math!), I walk off campus everyday feeling inspired, I go to work everyday knowing that every dollar I make is going towards some future accomplishment, I look forward every week to church and teaching Sunday school (whereas before I had very negative ideas about church I now can't get enough of the place and the people, the kids, the word, and just every freakin' thing that God has to offer me right now!).

When I sit here and think about the way I feel inside, the passion I have to help others, spread the word, achieve my dreams and help others achieve theirs, inspire, and love I can't help but just drop to my knees and cry, not tears of sadness but tears of total happiness! Though I still get stressed at times I've found postive ways to release my stress, like running, I've ran everyday for the past week and a half, or my yoga everynight, or studying, or just surrounding myself with the people I love so much, my friends and family.

In conclusion with inspiration from a friend and fellow traveler,

I chose my life. I choose my life. I take responsibility for all that has passed, is and will come to be. Under meditative investigation, all the qualities that fuel my self-pity and -hate, I find to have grown from -- rarely obvious but -- always altruistic reason. And I am so grateful; for my family, parents, friends, health, wealth and even my century and country; for all the work it took to tend the fields and ripen the circumstances into which I have chosen to have this life born. And I thank also this Life. For while I did choose it, it had the choice, and did not reject, but accepted my proposal. And I know, I know, I have a lot of my life contract yet to fulfill, and that all the care and love put into me, was done so in the faith that I would one day reflect back, and multiply that within, the mirror. And my signature, at the bottom of Life’s contract, also attests to my understanding that I will one day drop from its tree and die. And nourish the earth with this life’s sacrifice. So that I too, may take a turn at the fields, ripening the circumstances, for another’s birth.

So much love,~Kai!

(P.S. I leave in 5 days for Ireland.)

What is rooted is easy to nourish.

What is recent is easy to correct.

What is brittle is easy to break.

What is small is easy to scatter.

Prevent trouble before it arises.

Put things in order before they exist.

The giant pine tree grows from a tiny sprout.

The journey of a thousand miles starts from beneath your feet.

Rushing into action, you fail.

Trying to grasp things, you lose them.

Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe.

Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course.

He remains as calm at the end as at the beginning.

He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.

What he desires is non-desire; what he learns is to unlearn.

He simply reminds people of who they have always been.

He cares about nothing but the Tao.

Thus he can care for all things.

(if you want to go see this picture on Flickr with all the notes please go to Contents of Kailani's Life)