So as I sit and wait for time to go by (and pray for a flux capacitor to fall from the sky and 1.21 gigawatts of electricity supplied by a plutonium-powered nuclear reactor or simply a bolt of lightning to power my 2005 Hyundai Tiburon into the future), I've decided to begin my blog.
What it's gonna be about you say?
Oh, well as some of you may know back in 2003 I came up with the grand idea to take a trip around the world for one year, with only a backpack (contents of course being limited), some fine boots, and $20,000....and as some of you may know, that never worked out.
Being only 18, in a relationship, and going to school full-time I let my fears conquer my passion and drive towards this goal. With the $15,000 I had saved up I purchased a new vehicle (see above), went shopping, and continued to go to school. Here I am 4 years later, 4 years older, after numerous breaks from school and recovering from a head first plunge into credit card debt ready to achieve my one-time goal once again.
I've learned a lot in the past 4 years and feel that these lessons are what will propel me to succeed at my dream of long-term travel.
-Debt is horrible, it's a terrible feeling to go to work everyday knowing that every dime you make that day is already spent.
-Clothes are not a necessity, okay so they are (see Genesis 1.26-27), but in moderation.
-I'd much rather spend $4 on wooden hut on a beach in Koh Samui than $4 on a Starbucks Grande White Chocolate Mocha.
-Changing everything about yourself, your life, your plans, and your dreams to be temporarily happy and not alone (aka in a bad relationship) are not where it's at.
-Saying "I'll do that another time" or "one day" translates to "I'll probably never do that because I do not have the courage, self-confidence, nor trust in myself to accomplish that." That can apply to cleaning your room or traveling the world.
-I'm not getting any younger.
-I'm not getting older any faster (see above on relationships). I've always been in a hurry to get a career, become part of a cube-farm, meet that person, get married, and have children....pledging to be an eternal (or at least until retirement, hoover rounds don't make it on the Annapurna 3-week circuit) member of the rat race. When in all actuality I should be living my dreams and most likely on my road to self-actualization will I fall into the perfect career, meet that person, get married, have children and still not pledge to be an eternal member of the rat race (not I! I say).
-The fears will always be there but I will not let them be so strong as to overcome my will or want to succeed in accomplishing my dreams.
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain"
-There are millions of other people in this world, a million more potential best friends, inspirations, loves, experiences to learn from, and wise words to hear.
-I've always kept up with the blogs of other people traveling around the world, living precariously per se, through them when in reality I can easily be doing the same thing, accomplishing, and learning a lot more than sitting here in swivel chair in front of this bright screen getting carpal tunnel.
....and here I am, with no idea (well 194 countries of ideas) of where to go, little money, a car payment, a year and a half of school left and this dream. After much tossing and turning, swivelling, reading, driving, and googling....I have some sort of plan. I've not spoken to anyone about my plan, I've kept it to myself for reasons of fine tuning (of which I still have a lot to do) in hopes that the more 'real' (believable) it sounds the less people will laugh at me about it. I can't hold it in any longer, I need the feedback of my close friends, net friends, and family to make this plan a reality. Here's my plan or plans if you will, I'm unsure as of which path to take to achieve my dream:
1. Start back to school (already have my classes chosen and school loan approved for Jan. 2008 at MTSU), finish with an English degree (French/Psychology minor) in 1 and a half years.
~Pros: A degree, can easily get a temp job overseas or possibly even permenant job teaching English for extra money. A degree.
~Cons: School loans, less time to work to save money, gas money driving to and from school (a good 30 mile drive), long time before departure.
2. Start back to school, work and save money as best can, when I have enough, degree or no degree leave on my trip.
~Pros: Shorter amount of time before lift-off, some schooling out of the way.
~Cons: No degree, school loans lingering upon return, less time to work and save money.
3. Work, just go to work full-time saving money, no school.
~Pros: Leave sooner, more money saved in shorter amount of time, no school loans.
~Cons: No degree.
Those are my plans and the lists of pros and cons for each plan I've compiled. What do you think?
And so here I am, with a very unclear plan not really knowing where I am going, putting my faith in life to guide me. My courage is sometimes high, sometimes low, but one thing is certain, I want a world in which I can feel and experience the every day reality. The world is so much more complex than what we could ever comprehend. In order to reach a glimpse of that reality level, we must let go of control and detach ourselves from what we consider our reality. I want this new world to be how I remembered my first day at school, my first kiss, my first love, the first time I put on ice skates, the first time I traveled to a world unknown by me, and basically, any first time I did something. Only then was my mind pure, untouched by too many concepts, unbiased. I want to remember this child naivety, this state of consciousness where there is only us, not all of our fears and expectations taking all the place.
Only at the end of this road will I know for certain what I came here to find, but the fun and personal growth are acquired by walking the path, they are not in the final step or in the final answer. May I be able to access and understand my reality and mold it's impact on me as I go, enabling me to be my own creator.